I was toying around with a few different ideas of what I could write about for my next blog. I think it’s pretty obvious that I try to, “keep it real”, and use situations I have encountered, that I believe many of you can relate to.
I think one of the more challenging parts of being a lesbian, is knowing the right way to turn down a guy… Or the pesky aunt at family get-togethers who always wants to set you up with one…
All throughout highschool, before I was 100% “out” to everyone, I struggled with the best way of telling a guy that he’s just barking up the wrong tree… Don’t get me wrong, I am definitely not one of those “man-hater” lesbians. Some of my best friends have been male, and I love them (from the waist up!) So I take no pride in emasculating a man (unless he is a total tool) so I always questioned what the best way was, to let him down easy.
In the past I had tried the whole, “Sorry mate, I like girls,” approach, which either opens up an entire door full of pervy questions, or just makes him kinda mad and even more rejected than if I had turned him down for another guy.
I had a situation a few weeks back where I was at the train station, and a guy came up to me, and just casually said, “I know, this is probably going to backfire but I just wanted to know if you were seeing anyone.”
This time it was pretty easy for me, because I do have a partner, so I smiled and apologetically responded with, “I do have a partner but thank you for coming over here and asking.” He replied with, “I thought so, just wanted to give it a go, he is a lucky guy.” It was at this point I wondered, should I tell him I’m gay, and that the lucky guy is a lucky girl 
or should I just let him have that one, and believe he’s just lost out to a better man? After all, its none of his business really, is it?
Of course by the time I’d pondered the ramifications of both, he had probably already caught the train, got home and had dinner…
Which brings me to an interesting theory.
A friend of mine was explaining to me, how friend of hers, shaved one side of her head, just so everyone could tell she was a lesbian, because she doesn’t want guys hitting on her… Is that a common occurance? Is that why some lesbians shave their heads? If it’s purely for the reason of liking the style, that’s different, but if you’re shaving your head to prove a point and “scare certain people off”…It’s a pretty extreme move to alter your appearance so dramatically, just so people from space know that you like vagina.
Which brings me back to the guy at the train station. Little did he know, I’m not after what he’s got, but still, I would always take it as a compliment from anyone who thinks you’re attractive enough, or with a great enough personality to genuinely want to ask you out. It takes a lot of guts, so male or female, it’s a compliment in my book.
But just wanted to put it out there, how do you guys deal with this situation? Is it necessary to tell a guy you barely know that you’re gay, or just simply tell him you’re not interested… Or… Just shave your head and avoid the question altogether?
Tell him you’ve got a strap-on fetish and only sleep with guys who are in to that. That should move him along on his way unless he’s a republican congressman
Posted by pinkagendist | April 8, 2012, 11:11 pmNot had a problem with that as a ‘thank you but no thank you’ is enough. The dilemma I had is years ago before I started working for myself I worked in an office and my private life I kept to myself – then the annual office Christmas do came up – ‘are you bringing someone?’ I was young, shy and so far in the closet I could see Narnia. Just how do you deal with that?
Posted by Jemmy Farmer | April 9, 2012, 1:15 amGood question… I have to say, my coming out was alot different to most, my family found out before anyone else did, so I kind of got the hard part out of the way first. Anyone else who came along after that was a breeze! I went to a very religious school so I lost some friends over it, but I always maintain that they lost me
As for work colleagues, I just generally hint at the fact that my partner is female, if anyone doesn’t know, but it’s not a secret in my work place. I’ve never really tried to hide it. I won’t just meet someone and say, “Nice to meet you, I’m gay.” but at the same time if partners or relationships come up, I have no hesitations in telling anyone. Comes with alot of years of practice. I came out extremely young 
I’m all for mohawks, they’re pretty hot on alot of people, I just like to ponder the meaning behind the mohawk or the shaved head, if it’s a statement, if it’s to keep men away, or if it is just the fashion!
Posted by justanoldfashionedlesbian | April 9, 2012, 9:23 pmLike you I was religiously educated so understand. They lost us for sure. My family however are not supportive so they have all bar lost me too, although the door is open if they choose to come through it.
Well as my hair is shaved sides and spikey top, I’ll give you my reason which is pretty boring. I get severe eczema especially on my head and treating it is a nightmare if it is long. It doesn’t keep men away actually, I know a few who find it quite sassy and as they are friends will jokingly say ‘it’s not fair’. I happen to like it short and spikey now, but initially I really resented not having a choice.
Posted by Jemmy Farmer | April 10, 2012, 12:31 amOh please, I have a mohawk atop my shaved head and they still don’t get it. I get called “Sir” at least twice a day and guys still hit on me. I always tell them, “Sorry, you’re barking up the wrong tree.” And when they call me a man-hating bulldyke I just tell them, “I don’t hate all men. Just you.” If they don’t laugh, then they’re an asshole and need to move along.
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